2006,
Think I had a feeling for him, but I've never had the guts to talk to him. I was always nervous and so none of what I wanted to say cud come out off my mouth. Well, he was in my church, and we were in the same kind of organization. not the choir. And so we always had our meeting in the 1st and 3rd sundays of the month.
"I liked him"
But I knew that I wudnt or cudnt get his attention. In every meeting, I've always wanted him to come. But sometimes he didnt. And so it was a normal day for me. When he came, I've always looked at him just for an instant. Just to see him. and then, I turned my face around, and smiled. =]
And then, we had our practice. It was just a routine for the next saturday/sunday. Even i seemed all busy with my friends, I kept looking around, just to know where he is. And when I found him with his friends, I went back talking and laughing with my friends. Seriously, looking at him even just for an instant made me feel... You know.. Happy, and just good feelings everywhere.
But deep inside, I knew, didnt matter how much I liked him, it wudnt grew. since I didnt talk to him. We were that close, in the same religion, same church, same organization, in the same place for mostly every sunday. No communication at all. He used to sit at the back of the church, with his friends. and I? I sat at the front with my friends and got scolded coz we were noisy! LoL.
I kept wondering, when wud he talk to me first? Or shud I open the conversation? But I wasnt that brave. Talking face to face, with the guy I liked. So I shut my mouth and decided not to talk to him.
Think I had a feeling for him, but I've never had the guts to talk to him. I was always nervous and so none of what I wanted to say cud come out off my mouth. Well, he was in my church, and we were in the same kind of organization. not the choir. And so we always had our meeting in the 1st and 3rd sundays of the month.
"I liked him"
But I knew that I wudnt or cudnt get his attention. In every meeting, I've always wanted him to come. But sometimes he didnt. And so it was a normal day for me. When he came, I've always looked at him just for an instant. Just to see him. and then, I turned my face around, and smiled. =]
And then, we had our practice. It was just a routine for the next saturday/sunday. Even i seemed all busy with my friends, I kept looking around, just to know where he is. And when I found him with his friends, I went back talking and laughing with my friends. Seriously, looking at him even just for an instant made me feel... You know.. Happy, and just good feelings everywhere.
But deep inside, I knew, didnt matter how much I liked him, it wudnt grew. since I didnt talk to him. We were that close, in the same religion, same church, same organization, in the same place for mostly every sunday. No communication at all. He used to sit at the back of the church, with his friends. and I? I sat at the front with my friends and got scolded coz we were noisy! LoL.
I kept wondering, when wud he talk to me first? Or shud I open the conversation? But I wasnt that brave. Talking face to face, with the guy I liked. So I shut my mouth and decided not to talk to him.
The feeling was still there.. But none of my friends knew. Only me, mum, and GOD.
Until...
The day when we had our trip. I forgot where we went. I think it was Candi Dasa. Cant remember. But yeah.. I was all excited.. We got to go trip with all members. And we were gonna have fun there. I was waiting inside.. With my friends reading comics I guess. Or else it was a novel.
Then he came, with his girlfriend. I cudnt say anything, cud I? I was only someone he knows. Not even his friend. And so I just smiled, and whispered to my friend. "That's his girlfriend?"
She sed she didnt know. So I kept quiet, shook my shoulder, smiled to myself, tryin to feel a bit of pain that was inside, and continued reading.
I didnt cry, but I was sad. there was nothing I cud've done. I just sat there with my friends, and talked. But the trip, was gud. Didnt want to see him for that day. Must've known why, riite..? So I just played with the others..
Since then, I've decided to let that feeling go.. Not expecting it to come back since I've seen him so happy with her. Wished them happy together, and wished that that girl was the best for him.
Me? I just lived my life.. Still went to church every sunday.. And went to every meeting. And slowly, that feeling went away...............
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